Saturday, June 30, 2007

Precious Williams: A Berlin encounter


A man enters a Berlin bar; he espies a beautiful woman called Precious Williams ... and decides to try his luck, for Queen and Madame Arcati ...

(The author of this piece - Kishan - has now left a comment)

Thought you might be interested to know that I bumped into none other than Precious Williams at the weekend, in a charming little vodka bar [in Berlin] where they claim to serve 42 flavous of vodka.

Of course I grilled her about Jon Snow and her newfound infamy.

Did you make it up? I asked. Did the Mail on Sunday make it all up? Is Jon Snow making stuff up?

Precious rolled her eyes at me and said: "Are you sure you don't have anything a little more interesting to talk about?"

I said: "I'm just curious, that's all. Can I buy you a drink?"

She said: No.

Later she actually bought me a drink. Some sort of Cosmo made with freshly blended imported Russian berries that she raved about.

I talked to her for about three-quarters of an hour. My motivation in hanging around was two-fold: I wanted to find out what really happened (if anything) between her and Snow and to be frank I also wanted to see if I could pull her.

I found her quite hot in real life and quite fancied her: a lot prettier than the pictures of her in the paper. Perhaps most importantly, she was wearing a skirt (or dress) so short that at one point I briefly saw her knickers (they were purple). Two very long caramel brown legs were displayed to their full advantage. I don't know about Jon Snow, but I wouldn't kick that out of bed.

All I could get out of her on the Jon Snow business was the following:

"I fucking despair of the fucking state of British newspapers. Don't they have anything meaningful to write about?"

We talked about all the non-important stories the papers print these days.

She said, "I spent nearly ten years poking my nose in other people's private lives and writing about it. Even when a PR banned me from asking an interviewee questions about his sex life, I'd still ask, because my editors made me. I was involved in a tabloid interview once with Max Beesley where we promised him copy approval and then totally reneged on our contract. What goes around comes around for sure. I'm seeing that."

I asked her if she'd ever had an affair with an A-list celebrity as opposed to the rather C-list Snow.

"Yes," she said. "But my mouth is zipped about it."

I asked: Was it with somebody you interviewed?

"It was. I used to have his poster on my wall when I was a teenager. He's a rapper. That's all you're getting from me."

I asked: Is it true you have a book deal for a memoir about you and Snow?

She quipped, "Were you sent to talk to me by the Mail on Sunday or something?"

I asked: Are you familiar with Madame Arcati?

"Oh my God!" she screamed. "You're not Madame Arcati are you? Prove you're not her!"

She looked genuinely afraid.

"If you are Arcati," she said (she pronounced it Arr-Catty. Is that correct pronunciation?), "please, please stop writing about me. I'm just an ordinary person trying to mind my own business."

Sadly despite our fairly lengthy and at times flirty chat, I couldn't get Precious to fuck me or even give me her phone number. Possibly because she was in the company of a handsome but menacing-looking Russian chap who said very little but made it clear with his facial expressions that he'd break my legs if I didn't back off.

However, Precious did buy me the aforementioned fancy drink which cost 9 euros.

"Even if you are Madame Arcati", she said as she left the bar, "I hope you have a really nice time in Berlin."

Arcati is pronounced "Ah-car-tee

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Haha....priceless! (no pun intended)

A hack who used to enjoy this site said...

Any chance of changing the record? This Precious story is really getting quite dull.

jadedexhack said...

Why does Precious Williams keep writing to you?
This is clearly her. She is a pathetic self-publicist and we all need to move on.
Are we really supposed to believe that someone a) just happened to be in the same Berlin bar as her b) recognised her (from what? the photo he carries in his wallet?) c) approached her while she was in the company of a burly Russian and was close enough to see her knickers d) managed to engage her in conversation in which she appears nothing but witty, sexy and fabulous?
This is arrant nonsense and there is clearly only one possible author.
Unless Madame Arcati is really Precious....?

Arcati said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Arcati said...

Arcati will write about what and whom she likes as many times she likes ad infinitum. If you don't like it - fuck off and die.

As to Hercule Poirot who imagines Precious wrote this item - it was sent to me by another another party. Try to pull your curlers out before you address me.

Anonymous said...

So Jadedexhack believes that Williams wrote the twenty plus items on Arcati's blog in which she features; and further that Arcati IS Precious Williams?

An interesting but surely implausible theory. What is Williams supposedly seeking publicity for?

Were the Sindy spectator items also penned by Precious Williams?

And were the letters Arcati received from Jon Snow's lawyers actually written by Williams?

Or is this all a Channel 4 creation, designed to make Jon Snow appear hip and edgy and slightly dangerous? Sort of in keeping with his skateboarding video?

Anonymous said...

I am the person who interviewed Precious in Berlin. I sent the interview to Madame but Madame wrote back to me that she couldn't use it because I didn't have it on tape. It looks like she has changed her mind.

To answer the person who didn't believe I might happen to be in the same Berlin bar as Precious Williams - well I have access to all the good bars actually. Clearly that person is not an ethnic minoirity. If you were, you'd understand that it's a rare and pleasant treat to meet another non-white person in a place like Berlin. (I'm Asian). Berlin is a very white city. So observing a black woman with a British accent in a small bar was unexpected and definitely a reason for me to want to talk to them. I didn't recognize her as the girl from the Mail on Sunday and I don't carry her photo in my wallet but I am an avid Arcati reader. As soon as I spoke to her and she said her name was Precious I obviously put two and two together. I, along with my two friends and about four other patrons including Precious were sitting at the bar. Hardly anyone else in the bar and we all chatted. Clearly Jadedoldhat has never been to Berlin and experienced the lowkey friendliness of the bars there. I saw her knickers when she got off her bar stool to go to the toilet. Thanks, Kishan

Arcati said...

The above comment is correct - I changed my mind when I checked with Precious whether Kishan's report was correct, and she said that it was (though quibbled over the viewability of her purple knickers). I emailed an apology to him for doubting him.

Kishan displays great taste in women and blogs.

Anonymous said...

I was very flattered to have been mistaken for Madame Arcati (by Precious Williams).

My ambition now is to bump into Steph Mastini or Duncan Fallowell in a bar somewhere and interview them.

Kishan

Lorenzo said...

Precious Williams allegedly said:

> Even when a PR banned me from asking an interviewee questions about his sex life, I'd still ask, because my editors made me.

Almost exactly what I told you once, Arcati carissima, and you wouldn't believe it. You should listen to what real journalists have to say. They just know. :-)

Arcati said...

No, I don't think you said anything of the sort, Lorenzo; and I'm not entirely certain that you quite understand what Precious is saying.

But may I thank you for helping me to be Time Out's blogger of the week. No mean achievement for a supposed amateur.

Arcati said...

Kishan, you're hired! Better still, get to sleep with your subjects then tell me everything afterwards - might make a book ...

Lorenzo said...

> No, I don't think you said anything of the sort, Lorenzo

Hmmm, I hate self-congratulation, but for you I'll make an exception. Allow me to quote myself:

"The reality, my dear, is that the hacks in question have to obey their editor's orders rather than respect the PRs' or actors' wishes." ("Randy Fowler: I don't exist to my bro Kevin Spacey", Tuesday, 13 February, 2007)

> and I'm not entirely certain that you quite understand what Precious is saying.

Oh, do you think so, really? Don't forget I've once been a gossip columnist, darling... :-)

Arcati said...

Oh but Lorenzo, that's obvious. Why do you think I am the Borg Queen of blogging?

Once a gossipist, always a gossipist. You've just put on airs.

Lorenzo said...

> Once a gossipist, always a gossipist. You've just put on airs.

Ahem, with due respect, I think I myself said that once too... You shouldn't forget to take those memory pills, you know.
But tell me, Donna Pettegola, are you secretly ashamed of you favorite pastime?

Anonymous said...

Arcati is nasty but funny and a talented writer. Lorenzo is a lot of fun. But Jadedexhack just comes across as bitter and filled with hate and he/she is not amusing or engaging at all. Just sad.

Jaded is like this here on Arcati and on other blogs (where he/she is frequently made fun of). I get the sense Jadedexhack is an EX hack because he/she wasn't talented enough and is now filled with bitter resentment for mankind/successful writers.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have a copy of the original articles that appeared in the Mail On Sunday?

Stone said...

" Anonymous said...Does anyone have a copy of the original articles that appeared in the Mail On Sunday?"

Guilty as charged. Why do you ask?

Anonymous said...

Men are forever denying their affairs. From Piers Merchant to Jeffrey Archer, from Clinton to Beckham, and on and on. What is so different about this Snow-Williams circus?

It almost seems to be built into the male DNA to not come clean when accused of an affair. For years now men have denied having the affair and claimed to be outraged. Sometimes the men really hadn't had an affair but usually it is revealed later that they actually did have the affair, despite their protestations to the contrary. Jeffrey Archer even managed to get a judge to believe he hadn't rogered that poor prostitute.

This stuff happens all the time. I don't understand why such a big deal is being made by all over the Snow-Williams thing.

Anonymous said...

Stone, would you mind emailing me?
I would like to get copies of the articles.

arcatifan@klassmaster.com

Anonymous said...

Kishan said:

"My ambition now is to bump into Steph Mastini or Duncan Fallowell in a bar somewhere and interview them."

I have no doubt this will happen very soon. Such coincidences and miracles are trivial events on this blog... Arcati has a gift for creating them. ;-)

Kentish Town Neighbour said...

Snow is now embroiled in an affair with a 29 year old Channel 4 receptionist who hails from Mogadishu. He does love those young black women. Wonder whether this new one will tell her story to the tabs?