Wednesday, May 07, 2008

The Webbys and your toenail clippings

I’d never heard of the Webbys before this morning – the website “Oscars” – whose 2008 winners in 119 categories have just been announced, as chosen by something called the Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences. Ooh, I say, Richard Branson is among the judiciary.

The personal blog victors include one dedicated to confessions on postcards, another to skulls. So for a chance to win a Webby it’s best to think up a harmless novelty theme and do as little writing as possible. The Academy adores funny pictures: it's best to know your place in the scheme of things, as a blogger. I knew I’d gone wrong somewhere.

Still, there’s hope for me yet. I have thought up three news themes for Madame Arcati – take your pick and look forward to her picking up a Webby next year.

Toenails: Send me your photos of your clippings, all shapes and sizes but espesh anything that resembles something, like the Eiffel Tower, Gordon Brown or Flipper. Tarts’ acrylic claws – espesh the rainbow variety - not accepted.

Ashes of loved ones: Send me pix of the remains of your dead mum, pet or granny in inventively shaped heaps; or with weird drawings or messages scrawled in the death dust.

Wall holes: We all have them, they come in all shapes and sizes, send me your pix. Holes are caused by different things – screwdrivers, nails, hurled household objects, heads. Every hole tells a story and you can tell me that story if you like: embark on a soapy semiotic journey of holes, on Madame Arcati , Webby winner-presumptive. If you haven't holes in your walls then send me pix of the indentations you've left in your sofas after a night of loafing in front of the TV. I'm fascinated!

Click here for those Webby winners.


Anonymous said...

"I'm fascinated."

Well, you must have a high boredom threshold, because no one else is...

Madame Arcati said...

Yes dearie, it's called comic irony, rather lost in a mountain of your own toenail clippings, I suspect. Chop, chop, run along, there are simpler places for you to visit (check out the Webbys list for inspiration).