Thursday, July 19, 2007

David Gest - 'Shaps is a living vasectomy!'

David Gest is furious! About a week ago ITV’s director of television, Simon Shaps, announced that he wouldn’t be renewing Gest’s contract with the channel. "The ratings for This Is David Gest were OK," he said, sneerily. "I'm not sure what we would do next [with David]. You've got to match the talent to the ideas. We've not commissioned a show with him." This was code for ratings loser!!!

Now, David Gest has offered to lick a certain part of my anatomy if I publish his response - but it's so polite I feel I must interpret ...

"With all due respect to Shaps, contrary to his recent comments reported online and in other newspapers, I never asked to have my one year deal with the broadcaster renewed [Code: Fuck you, Shaps!]. In fact, quite the opposite, my lawyers, Sheridans, negotiated an early release so I could host The Friday Night Project on Channel 4." [Code: So there, bitch!].

But Gest hasn't started yet, ooooh, noooo ....

"I wouldn't rule out working with Mr Shaps in the future [Code: Not even if he offered me sexual services!], but feel for him as he is going through such a crucial time right now. [Code: Is Shaps about to fuck off and die? May I speed things up in anyway?]

"I truly hope that Mr Shaps was not trying to be misleading to the public or spilling sour grapes when he insinuated my show was not being picked up or that I was axed after I already told ITV I did not want to do another season in order to pursue other opportunities and work with other networks. [Code: Shaps is a lying cunt!]

"I am honoured ITV and I had such a successful run. The ratings speak for themselves! I really believe that BBC Director General Mark Thompson has the right idea in his comments that "originality is what a top-rated station needs." [Code: Shaps, you're a living vasectomy! Thompson is a stud!]

"I will be announcing my new television plans in the coming weeks and hope to continue showing that originality!" [Code: That'll show you, Shaps!]

According to his publicist Neil Reading, Gest has been besieged with offers from other networks and production companies who "want to match his talent with ideas" and they do "have many ideas for him." This is in response to Mr Shaps' comment that ITV didn't. [Code: Shaps shoots blanks!].

I do love David Gest but he must evince greater boldness in dealing with highly paid corporate creeps like thingy Shaps.


Anonymous said...

Why the heck doesn't Gest publish this letter on his own blog?!

Anonymous said...

Nice one!! This Shaps sounds like a real cunt and I'd like to see him humiliated as much as possible! I know several people just like him.

Arcati said...

I don't think David has the blogging temperament ... it would surprise me if he could construct a normal length sentence without nodding off before a full stop brought an end to his boredom. But is he a love and Arcati has a far, far bigger audience than his blog, as he well knows.

His girlfriend Malandra tells me the two haven't even had a romantic dinner a deux yet ... I wonder if they've tongued. You have to wonder.

Anonymous said...

Who is David Gest ?

Arcati said...

He was married to Liza Minnelli, the daughter of Judy Garland. They snogged horribly at their wedding; real tongue scrape stuff. He is a close friend of Michael Jackson and is a notable music and TV show producer - his book Simply The Gest is out soon. He became a household UK face via I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.

Coma, sedation or satire may account for your absence of knowledge. Google is a useful substitute for a memory or an education. Try to keep up.

"The Forgotten Ones Fund"/stephanie mastini said...

How interesting that David Gest would suggest to lick anyone's anatomy: I didn't think he still had the ability to pucker. His face is stretched tighter than a condom on a porn personality..(and more engaging) He isn't a threat to anyone except far as his tongue's waywardness, I would cover all orifices Madame..Who knows which one he is referring to. I am a big Liza fan, coupled with my respect for her incredibly resilient, creative, mother..I always felt he was enveloped with the consistency of slime. I wouldn't even consider diping him in garlic butter to devor him..I might get indigestion.