Saturday, July 07, 2007

Daniel Radcliffe: penis: flash fiction competition!


"It's that thing of being shocked that I should have hair - you know, anywhere else other than on my head" - Daniel Radcliffe

The headline to this piece is perfectly search engine-friendly. What happens in that thousands of people flock to this site, guided by their feverish, masturbatory fascination with Daniel and Harry Potter, then when they're done they start to look about the site and come back for more. I should have gone into marketing.

Anyhow, here's the competition bit. You know what flash (or micro) fiction is - in this instance write Arcati a 50-word short story about Daniel's first kiss. Feel free to interpret this brief in any way you like, but no more than 50 words. You can write it in any genre - romance, thriller, western, literary, what have you. The prize?

- Publication of the winning entry on this famous site
- Literary fame and notoriety following an email-interview with the remorseless Arcati
- Something Harry Potter-ish (I'll see what I can do) - there are some lovely figurines I'm thinking about

The competiton ends on July 31. Send your entry to: Madamearcati69@aol.com. Your email address will suffice as a point of contact, include your author name. Anonymous entries submitted via the comment button will be instantly zapped. This competition is open to every resident of the globe including prisoners and unauthorised migrants.

Madame Arcati reserves the right to end this competition if entries do not match her exacting standards.

For examples of flash fiction click here. On the site are some good examples of the form including this, entitled A new nickname at 38 by Graham Coleman:

I was now 'Grishi', a reference to my love of fish-based snacks. On the plane I sat next to Isobel who had become Ishi. She was too tall for me but we rhymed. I told her this was as good a basis for marriage as any.

26 comments:

Peter Wright said...

His penis seems a little small, no? But I suppose when fully erect it might be quite satisfying.

"The Forgotten Ones"/Stephanie Mastini said...

.."it's not the size of the wave, but the motion in the ocean"..
thanks for providing my cup of coffee that I am languishing over now..!!

"The Forgotten Ones"/Stephanie Mastini said...

I apologize, I am not perfect..I haven't slept all night and have made some typos..a thousand lashings on me...

Anonymous said...

" "The Forgotten Ones"/Stephanie Mastini said...

I apologize, I am not perfect..I haven't slept all night and have made some typos..a thousand lashings on me..."

WE DON'T CARE, you attention junkie loser.

Francine and Thom said...

I notice that on her website Steph has written "goggle my name" - I do love her drink-fuelled malapropisms.

Other malapropisms to come from Steph include "Please give to my charlatan" (charity), "Gimme the Monet" ("please make a donation") and "Is that a Gainsborough?" ("Do I pay capital gains tax?").

Anonymous said...

God I love this !

Anonymous said...

Love the new name

The Forgotten Ones but just case you have its STEPHANIE MASTINI

Attention junkie loser ? Who? Surely not our Steph?

Anonymous said...

Its now officially Madame Batshits blog - farewell Arcati it was great knowing you.

"The Forgotten Ones Fund" said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
"The Forgotten Ones Fund" said...

Madame, that photo is beginning to inspire me to create more pastel penises..how about "The Sorcerers'Wands"..Thom, care to participate?
and your MADAME can watch...

"The Forgotten Ones Fund" said...

Madame, that photo has inspired me to create more penis pastels..how about "The Sorcerer's Wands"..Thom, care to participate?

Duralex said...

In french, I'd say : "ce blog tourne en eau de boudin". Very difficult to translate in english. Something like : this blog is turning out badly and sadly – but a little more offensive. ;-)

I warned you that Mastini woman would be the undoing of you, Arcati. It's getting really tiresome now. Pull yourself together or your reputation is ruined and you'll just be a pathetic loser.

Arcati said...

Stop sounding tragic Duralex and write me a 50-word short story. You're always whining on Sundays - go sip a cognac for Christ's sake.

Duralex said...

Sorry, my luvvie, Harry Potter's first kiss is a bit too "nunuche" (sentimental and silly) for me. Are you aiming teenagers, now ? Or falling into your second childhood ? ;-)

Ah, if I could do it in french, that would be different, and you'd get a vitriolic lampoon. But I'm not so foolhardy as to try such an exploit in my awkward english.

"The Forgotten Ones Fund" said...

Francine and Thom said...
I notice that on her website Steph has written "goggle my name" - I do love her drink-fuelled malapropisms.

Other malapropisms to come from Steph include "Please give to my charlatan" (charity), "Gimme the Monet" ("please make a donation") and "Is that a Gainsborough?" ("Do I pay capital gains tax?").

Dear BAAL,(bad ass allopathic leeches)
If you think that your jealous, immature, mental masturbation remarks are positive affirmations, think again. I don't have to defend myself against people that ridicule a simple act of kindness towards a woman that has breast cancer and in desperate need.. All you bloggers out there, you may continue your spiteful cutting "verbose" snideness... Members of a Papal society? I pose this thought...how can one sleep at night, when their bedstead is swarming with hypocritical mutating bugs awating their vomitous invitation. Initiating a blog riot seems somehow hypocritical given their religious membership...The bottom line.. Francine and Thom, are not "Paying it Forward",(Yes, I am aware of the colloquial reference from Kevin's film history). They are regurgitating the same nonsense over and over.
If a convicted sex and child abuser is patted on the back for their silly negative three ring circus, than the world has turned into a true catastrophic and surreal faux pas.
When a knock is heard on my door in the middle of the night and a battered woman is barely standing...I will open the door ...not slam it in her face. As for the rest of you, I am still here and I "ain't go nowhere"..just up, not down..

The Daughter-of-a-Bitch said...

"As for the rest of you, I am still here and I "ain't go nowhere".."

Gee, yet another Mastini-hijacked thread! Enjoy Arcati's neurotic crush on you, Steph, something tells me it won't last forever...

Baal said...

A careful study of Stephanie's "writing" suggests that the woman is either drunk or over-dosing on some drug or something. I hope she is receiving medical help. The way of Arcati is doom - remember these words Steph.

"The Forgotten Ones Fund"/stephanie mastini said...

ciso ciao Fran and Thom
you have had your sick fun...

Anonymous said...

Persecution complex.

Anonymous said...

If he is circumcised, as eye witnesses say, then the photo cannot be correct since in its he is NOT circumcised. I suspect the lower parts have been added to his torso to give the wrong effect.

Duralex said...

This subject has been thoroughly discussed in previous threads (just click on the labels below). But maybe Arcati should still warn the newcomers that her overexploited picture is a shameless fake...

Anonymous said...

Oh my god! i think it´s tha picture many people wanted to see. I would love to put it into my mouth and suck it a little... Dan: YOU ARE TOO HOT !! (sincerely I would fuck you)

Anonymous said...

oh God !! I think it´s the picture many of us wanted to see, I don´t care if it´s fake or not. I love his penis.. I would put it into my mouth and suck it a little.. Dan: YOU ARE TOO HOT !! (sincerely I would fuck you)

leanne_m_t said...

This website seems like fun! I rather like the new and improved Daniel Radcliffe and his fluffy chin and drool over physique, I think i may prefer him without the penis though...yet not...one cannot decide! I think it's becuase the penis is rather ugly, is it not?!

Anonymous said...

OMFG
There is no words for how much i would give just to get a life size poster of that....even more to be there while it was being filmed...not to mention how much i would give to be his GF (but hes a bit to old for me) still
<3 ya (does he actually read these i doubt it)

leanne_m_t said...

who was the winner of this competition? xxx