Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Paul Dacre - I'll be back!!

Jasper Milvain writes to Madame Arcati with a clarification on the condition of the Mail's editor-in-chief Paul Dacre following rumours of his unwellness:

"You're wrong, I'm afraid. It's not his heart and he'll be back at work very soon."

And I am glad to hear it. What a world we live in that people freely speculate about the health of others without a thought for accuracy or sensitivities. I have noticed in Mr Dacre's absence a rising tide of acid in the Daily Mail. It needs a steadying swig of Dacre Milk of Magnesia to dull the pain of, er, heartburn.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Who was it who said Dacre was physically ill in the first place? Obviously many of us regard Dacre as being mentally ill, but that's a whole other story.

Arcati said...

Now, I won't hear a word against Mr Dacre. He just needs more cuddling and some garlic.

Lorenzo said...

Are you insinuating he might be a kind of vampire?

Arcati said...

Garlic is good for cholesterol, although a recent study claimed that garlic is no better for keeping the arteries nice and clean than a sausage, or something.

Mr Dacre would make a splendid Dracula, in the Christopher Lee mode rather than Gary Oldman. Oldman's blood-sucker had kinky detail such as long nails, a vast heart-shaped hairstyle and a shadow with a life of its own - his licking of Keanu Reeves' blood off the shaving knife was a great homo-gothic moment; something that the Daily Mail could not abide, I fear.

Christopher Lee's Drac was the personification of sleek, dark charm - can anyone deny that Mr Dacre's saturnine features do not excite one's imagination in the moonlight?

A Dacre Drac is someone you could introduce to your mummy, I think, before he sucked the life out of her via the bosom.

Anonymous said...

Aaah, that makes sense. I'd noticed the Mail being even worse than usual lately and wondered whether its editor was perhaps in the middle of a nervous breakdown. The paper is publishing repetitive stories about immigrants taking over our nation, Kate Moss's ageing kneecaps, interspersed with random twee stories about and pictures of fluffy animals.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Get Well Soon Mr Dacre. Not. The Daily Hate Mail manages to set UK race relations back several years with each edition printed. The paper's "articles" constantly incite racial hatred.

In today's Mail appears a gem from the bloated has-been Lowri Turner; complaining about how much of a stigma it is for her that her mixed-race baby is so dark-skinned. Ms Turner fears that upstanding middle-class whites will look down on her for being the mother of a mixed-race kid and mistake her for a slag from a council estate tower block. Clearly this train-wreck of a mother will raise her mixed-race kid to become self-loathing and scathing of other ethnic minority people. And of course the Hate Mail loves this sort of sentiment. In fact, Lowri Turner's mixed race kid may end up writing for the Daily Mail in years to come. How the Mail loves to publish articles written by blacks and Asians who happily denounce their race and clearly wish to be white...

Penny Dreadful said...

Oh I see, so people aren't allowed to have feelings that don't coincide with yours any more? How tolerant is that?

Anonymous said...

Yet more random fluffy animals and obese dogs in the Daily Mail. The paper's falling apart.

"The Forgotten Ones Fund"/stephanie mastini said...

excuse me Penny, but when did you become holier than tho?
It's called sybillic journalism.. And I for one, am fascinated how quickly a simple blog comment can pirate a ship of mutineers..imlication can take many forms...unless you forgot, we are a free speech nation. Yet so many of the comments on this site are inundated with implacable tin soldiers...
ADDED SIDEBAR..
sorry, I am not going to succumb to your nasty blog comments ..keep on, keep up!!
Stephanie Mastini..